Her goal is to destroy his family in the hopes that he'll fulfill her dreams for her own. She gives no thought to the devastation her continued presence is causing in the lives of his children. She is selfish and calculating in her actions. She does whatever is necessary to convince him that he doesn't need a relationship with his kids. He is so blinded to the truth that he believes anything she tells him.
If he has a friendly conversation with his wife she makes sure to demonize her and give her words a negative spin. She can't have him on good terms with his wife. That will interfere with her plans.
She thinks she is the only one that could ever make him happy. But deep down she knows that she doesn't measure up to the wife that he walked away from. They have a history that no matter how hard she tries she can't figure out how to erase it. She tries to convince him that there was never any love in his marriage and that his wife expected too much from him. And right now he's weak enough to believe her.
She desperately craves the stability and commitment that she's asking him to walk away from. Her life has been full of heartache and pain. She has put her children through so much upheaval while she searched for love and security.
Most importantly she doesn't know Jesus. She doesn't know what it means to love, honor and cherish. She knows how men are wired and she exploits it for her own advantage and evil purposes. Her ultimate goal is to please herself.
She knows he has work that he loves but she needs that gone as well. She needs him completely helpless and disconnected from anyone that will tell him that what he is doing is wrong.
She is a dangerous woman just like the woman in Proverbs 5.....the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two edged sword. Proverbs 7 adds......with her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him.
"Words are a major part of the seduction arsenal as the seductress flatters her prey and makes the man feel really good about himself (see also Proverbs 6:24,7:5). As the man’s ego grows, so does his sexual appetite. Her verbal persuasions continue by painting a visual picture of what she wants to do and where and how she wants to do it (Proverbs 7:14-18). She is an expert in deception, persuading her prey into believing that there will be no consequences or that the consequences can be avoided (Proverbs 7:19-20). She uses her beauty, her eyes, her body, her clothes, and her words to blur the man’s judgment such that he becomes caught up in the moment (Proverbs 7:10,13). This is why Joseph immediately fled when Potiphar’s wife approached him in a seductive manner (Genesis 39:12) as he recognized that any hesitation on his part would prove seriously dangerous"
- Relevant Bible Teaching
The truth is that once she is finished with the him, she will move onto the next one. Proverbs 7:26 says "many are the victims that she has cast down and numerous are all her slain." She will destroy him, devour him and then she will leave him all alone. His life will be in ruins and he will wonder how a simple friendship caused so much destruction.
We hear stories all the time of seemingly good people doing terrible things. Things like fraud, theft, adultery, and even murder. Friends and family will say things like, "He was such a good person", "I can't believe she would do something like this", "That was so out of character for him", "She was always so nice to her neighbors and coworkers", etc.
These people have built a good reputation with others. They have spent countless hours working on their image and the story they portray to others. They are friendly and well liked by most people.....especially those outside their home. They do everything in their power to help others. But it's not really about serving others. The approval and accolades that they get for being so helpful fills the emptiness and quiets the insecurities in their life. Unfortunately, the insecurities are so great that they don't stay quiet for long.
Many times the people that they live with see a very different person. They see the true character that's hidden behind the mask. They see the lack of spiritual discipline and character flaws. They see the ugly outbursts and hear the words that are spewed out in anger. Words that are never spoken to the outside world. They want others to know the truth but the image is so great that nobody would believe them.
Over time, life will push and squeeze and reveal a person's true character. What's on the inside will spill out and reveal what's in the heart. For some people, it will reveal kindness, integrity, honesty, loyalty and respect. It will show that they have taken the time necessary to build a strong foundation.
However, for the one's who have avoided the work it will reveal dishonesty, hatefulness, disgrace and laziness. The mask will fall off and everyone will see that they have been fooled by a great performance. They will realize that it had all been a lie.
Today was a hard day. Seeing the other woman in the school parking lot this afternoon made my blood boil with anger. Learning that he was at her house playing catch in the front yard with her daughter made my heart ache with pain for my children. He's flaunting this affair in the community where we do life and he doesn't care. Her kids are getting his time and attention while his own kids are left to wonder why they no longer matter to him.
My first reaction was to call and yell at him...which I did. But since he didn't answer, I had to settle with yelling at him via voicemail. After I hung up, I yelled at the empty house. I cried. I prayed. I took Jovi for a walk and prayed again. The blatant disregard for anyone but himself is mind boggling. It's like a switch has been flipped and he's not the person that we knew. He's only the shell of the man that we loved and did life with. His heart is hardened like stone. His countenance has even changed.
I've been praying for him to see his actions as sin and for God to bring conviction and change. However, tonight I realized that I've been playing too nice with prayer. I've been focusing my prayer on Rich and his actions. But I need to declare war against the enemy and his schemes. So that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. The enemy's reign of terror on my family stops now. He might keep coming at me but I refuse to give him the victory.
Like Priscilla Shirer says in her book, Fervent, "We simply don't have the luxury of playing nice with prayer. Not if we want things to change. Not if we want to be free- from whatever's keeping us held down and held back. Not if we want our hearts whole and thriving and deep and grounded...different. Not if we want our husbands and children living out what God has called them to do and be and become. Not if we want a fence of God's protection around us. Not if we want to bear the unmistakable mark of His favor upon us. Not if we want the devil and his plans to go back to the hell where they came from."
It's time to send the devil and his plans back to the hell where they came from. So I will fight his strategies and schemes by putting on the full armor of God. I will bring the power of heaven down to earth. I will fight him by praying specifically for those areas where he is targeting my family. Those areas that he has intimate knowledge of where he can most easily take me down.
Right now he thinks he's winning by destroying my marriage and devastating my children. He is using this affair to exploit my weaknesses and render me helpless. He knows what buttons to push to get my focus off of Christ and onto the pain and hopelessness. He knows my doubts and my fears. But no longer will he get the victory.
Through prayer I will defend myself against his fiery darts and through God's power I will push back into enemy territory and take back my family.
Take notice Satan....you will not wear me down.....I will not give up....I will make you sorry that you ever messed with me or my family.
THIS MEANS WAR
When the hurt and anger begin to overwhelm me....I pray. When I can't understand the why....I pray. When I don't think I'll make it through the day.....I pray. When I can't forgive.....I pray.
Prayer has been an important part of my daily life for many years. I have spent countless hours praying over my marriage and my children. Anytime we are struggling in some area, I take it to God in prayer. God has been so faithful to answer numerous prayers for my family.
During my current situation, I know that the only way to prevent bitterness and anger to take root in my heart is to pray. God knows what's on my heart, even if I can't find the right words to say.
When the pain is too great to put into words, He knows. When it's too hard to keep going, He carries me. When the tears won't stop falling, He comforts me. When I yell out in anger, He hears.
When I choose to pray for my husband in the midst of the mess, it changes me. It changes my attitude and my focus. It reminds me that only God can change my husband's heart and bring about repentance.
God calms my heart in the midst of the raging storm around me. I hear that still small voice whisper, "Be still. Rest in me. Hold fast to my promises." In the resting I can say, "It is well, it is well, through the storm I am held. It is well with my soul."
Just over a week ago, my world as I knew it was destroyed by betrayal. I learned that my husband was involved in an affair with a friend of ours. An affair that he refuses to give up. There are no signs of remorse or desire to do the right thing. His only desire is to end our marriage as quickly as possible.
It's a daily....hourly struggle to focus on my faith, on Christ's love and truth instead of the anger and pain.
I worry about how this will affect my children. Right now they are angry, hurt and asking lots of questions that I can't answer for them. I worry that the trauma will overwhelm them and cause them to run from God. But I have hope. Just small little signs that they are drawing closer to their heavenly Father.
One of those signs was my youngest sharing a 3 minute message at youth group on Sunday night. When I asked him what his topic was, he said "Hope". The verse that he used was Job 11:18. "And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security."
In the midst of Satan trying to destroy our family, we can rest in the security of our relationship with Christ. He is our rock. He is our refuge. He is our strength. He is our hope.
Over the past week I have experienced the worst betrayal of my life. It has caused deep hurt and pain. The kind of pain that has weighed on my chest and taken my breath away. The kind of pain that feels like being repeatedly punched in the gut. There have been moments when I could actually feel physical pain in my chest as I saw and heard things that broke my heart.
I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions as I have tried to process all of the lies and deception. I have screamed and cried and asked "Why?" a million times. I have felt physically sick and emotionally devastated. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed and start the day. Waves of uncontrollable emotions can hit at random times throughout the day. They have different triggers. It might be an old memory, a recent conversation or a new deception uncovered. My heart begins racing and my face tingles. I begin to feel nauseous and lightheaded. I feel that at any moment I will pass out.
I have to keep reminding myself of the truth......the truth that comforts and calms my emotions......the truth from God's Word. My worth and value are not determined by my current circumstances. My worth and value come from who I am in Christ.
I am a daughter of the King.
God is within me and I will not fail.
He will fulfill His promises to me.
He will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.
He will carry me....sustain me....and rescue me.
The Lord has heard my prayer, seen my tears and He will heal me.
I do not have to fear because He is with me.
He will strengthen me and uphold me.
He will cover me with His feathers and under His wings I will find refuge.
The Lord will fight for me; I only need to be still.
He will be with me and I will not be overwhelmed.
He is doing something new.
He will make a way.
He has already begun.
Once my heart and mind are refreshed with the truth of Scripture then I can carry on with my day until the next wave comes crashing into my heart and mind. I take a deep breath and begin reminding myself again that God is with me and he will strengthen and sustain me. When my heart is overwhelmed I will cry out to God and He will answer my prayers.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, a VBS crafter, a coupon clipper, a thrift store shopper, a football fan, a cook, a student of the Bible and an avid reader.