Over the past week I have experienced the worst betrayal of my life. It has caused deep hurt and pain. The kind of pain that has weighed on my chest and taken my breath away. The kind of pain that feels like being repeatedly punched in the gut. There have been moments when I could actually feel physical pain in my chest as I saw and heard things that broke my heart.
I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions as I have tried to process all of the lies and deception. I have screamed and cried and asked "Why?" a million times. I have felt physically sick and emotionally devastated. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed and start the day. Waves of uncontrollable emotions can hit at random times throughout the day. They have different triggers. It might be an old memory, a recent conversation or a new deception uncovered. My heart begins racing and my face tingles. I begin to feel nauseous and lightheaded. I feel that at any moment I will pass out.
I have to keep reminding myself of the truth......the truth that comforts and calms my emotions......the truth from God's Word. My worth and value are not determined by my current circumstances. My worth and value come from who I am in Christ.
I am a daughter of the King.
God is within me and I will not fail.
He will fulfill His promises to me.
He will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.
He will carry me....sustain me....and rescue me.
The Lord has heard my prayer, seen my tears and He will heal me.
I do not have to fear because He is with me.
He will strengthen me and uphold me.
He will cover me with His feathers and under His wings I will find refuge.
The Lord will fight for me; I only need to be still.
He will be with me and I will not be overwhelmed.
He is doing something new.
He will make a way.
He has already begun.
Once my heart and mind are refreshed with the truth of Scripture then I can carry on with my day until the next wave comes crashing into my heart and mind. I take a deep breath and begin reminding myself again that God is with me and he will strengthen and sustain me. When my heart is overwhelmed I will cry out to God and He will answer my prayers.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, a VBS crafter, a coupon clipper, a thrift store shopper, a football fan, a cook, a student of the Bible and an avid reader.