When we choose to be obedient to God and His plan, you would think that life would just fall into place, right? Not exactly. Maybe it's just me but I find that total surrender and obedience to God can be very messy.
But why? Why does it get messy? Well for me a lot of it has to do with my flesh wanting it's way. The moment things get hard and I think God may be taking just a little too long to act, my flesh starts planning and strategizing a way to get out of the hard place and right now!! I'm impatient and I don't like to wait on God.
My choice to surrender and my fleshly desire to take control are in a war and it's a bloody messy battle. My flesh is strong and doesn't give up easily. It tells me that I'm weak for waiting on God. It tries to convince me that God isn't going to come through this time.
It laughs at me for choosing eternal things over earthly comforts. The flesh says "You deserve to be happy, so do what makes you happy. Don't sacrifice your wants and desires to follow God's calling".
The only way to control the flesh is to kill it. I can't try to just move it aside or reason with it. I have to kill it. I must begin each day by saying, "Today I choose to surrender my agenda and plans. Today I choose to fully obey whatever God calls me to do." And that's messy because we never know what valley we may walk through each day.
We don't always understand how God's plan for our life will work. When we think we have it figured out and things change, we don't always respond in a pleasant way. To be honest sometimes I act like a 3 year old who has lost all self-control. I allow my flesh to get control and I throw a great big hissy fit.
Then I realize that I may have said I trusted God but it was only empty words. I was really trusting in God and my back-up plan.
But God loves me through it and gently reminds me that His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are better than my thoughts. I once again have to kill the flesh and choose to walk in obedience no matter where it leads.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, a VBS crafter, a coupon clipper, a thrift store shopper, a football fan, a cook, a student of the Bible and an avid reader.