When stress is high, we can say hurtful things that we don't mean. We can lash out due to fear or anger. We can really blow it in our relationships with those closest to us. That happened to me on Tuesday..
Over the past few weeks I have been working a lot of extra hours so that I could pay bills and pay all of the sports and back to school expenses for the kids. Those hours have taken me away from home a lot more than I wanted and have made me really tired. My teenagers have been enjoying the last weeks of summer hanging out with friends and a little extra freedom. They have been really good about letting me know where they were going and getting home in time for curfew.
However, my teenage daughter chose to lie to me and her brothers about who she was hanging out with. When I was unable to reach her, I got worried. And then when I found out that she wasn't where she said she would be, I got even more worried. Especially since I was stuck at work waiting on a delayed plane to land.
I spent the whole drive home beating myself up for working so much. My emotions were off the charts. I was so upset with her for lying but also worried sick that something had happened. It wasn't like her to not answer her phone or respond to text messages.
Once I got home, I went to her room to get her Ipad, hoping that since it was connected to her phone, that it would give us a clue as to her whereabouts. As I hurried down the stairs, I slipped and fell. I hit my face on a door frame, jammed my wrist and banged up my big toe. As I hit the ground, my sons came rushing into the room to help me. That's when I realized that my face was bleeding from a cut.
I got myself up off the floor and began assessing the damage. The cut was deep and would require stitches. My wrist began to hurt more and more. I knew I would need to go to the ER, but first I needed to locate my daughter.
Thankfully, about that time my daughter called her brother. When she got home, I was angry, worried and in pain. I said some things that needed said but I also said some hurtful things that I didn't mean. She had made a wrong choice and she had lied. But that mistake does not change how much I love her. She is a teenager who needs a mom to be there for her. She needs to know that trust is vital to a relationship.....especially a parent - teenager relationship.
She saw the cut on my face and knew that she was partly to blame. She felt horrible. She didn't need me make her feel worse. Unfortunately, in that moment the fear, worry, stress, exhaustion and pain manifested itself in an angry outburst from me. I made the situation worse by making her feel unwanted and unloved. And that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Tonight we had the opportunity to talk. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and needed her in my life. Yes, she is a crazy teenager who pushes me to my limits but I am so blessed to be her mom. I can't imagine my life without her. Which I explained to her was why I was freaking out. I told her that Moms have a way of going straight to worst case scenario when they can't reach their kids.
I think this is a night that none of us will ever forget for the rest of our lives. My hope is that we remember the lessons from it....not just the parts when we blew it.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, a VBS crafter, a coupon clipper, a thrift store shopper, a football fan, a cook, a student of the Bible and an avid reader.