As I take a Iook at my everyday life, not a whole lot has changed. I'm still a busy mom making sure my kids are cared for . I schedule their doctor appointments, take them to friend's houses and sport's practices. I try to keep food in the house...which is not easy with teenagers during summer break!! I remind them to do their chores and make myself available to talk when needed. I take them to church and try to be a godly example to them. In the midst of all of that I still to go to work and try to find time to meet up with friends for some Mom time.
I'm beginning to accept this new reality of being a solo mom. I like that term better than "single mom". I quit being single 22 years ago. And actually, I'll never be single again. Right now I feel that "Solo Mom" fits perfectly.
I came across that term in a blog that I was reading. Here's how it defined Solo Mom: "Solo Moms are women who spend time parenting on their own. Solo Moms are single moms, moms with joint custody, grandmothers who parent their grandchildren, and moms whose partners are deployed, disabled, or incarcerated. Solo Moms are moms whose partners are on the road a lot or living abroad, leaving them to do most of the parenting. "
Even though I am now a solo mom I know that I am not alone, although at times it feels that way. I'm so grateful for my friendships and my relationship with Christ. My friends have spoken life into me when I could do nothing but mourn the death of my marriage. When all I could see was my pain and anger. Some have listened while I vented and cried. Some have made me laugh with sarcastic comments and stories of their own. So many have pointed me continually to Christ and His love for me. His Words are what I cling to. Not the negative words from the enemy. He promises to always be for me....not for my marriage....but FOR ME!!!
In a recent blog, author Gary Thomas said, "If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than He loves institutions." That statement spoke volumes to me. I knew that God loved me but I thought that as a Christian woman, He loved my marriage more than me. I now know that was wrong thinking. God places a high value on marriage but he puts an even higher value on ME!!
I can move forward knowing that I have done everything to try to make my marriage work. Some marriages just can't be saved. We have struggled with many issues over the years and I'm not willing to live like that anymore. The affair was a huge blow to my heart, but the deeper pain came when I had to face the hard truth that my spouse no longer loved me. As I processed the hurt and read text messages over and over again, God kept whispering to me "I love you more." When I would read, "You are no longer my family, get over it." God would whisper, "You are my daughter and I love you." When he would say, "I didn't leave the kids, I left you." God would remind me of His promise to "NEVER leave me or forsake me". When I was told that I failed as a wife, God told me to ignore the lies and see the truth.
As I continue to lean in closer to God, he is giving me a peace about the future. I know that there are still many challenges ahead. However, I can face them head on confident that God will give me wisdom to make the right decisions and learn how to live this new reality.