I don't want to care about what he's doing. I don't want to let his words hurt me. I don't want to wonder who he's sharing his heart with now. I don't want to miss what we had together. I don't want to wish he still loved me. But I'm addicted.
He is etched on my heart and is a part of me. He is a deeply entrenched habit that has shaped who I am today.
Our bond has been broken. My heart is infected with brokenness and it has altered my thoughts and behaviors.
But why? Why has this affected me so deeply?
Because I am an addict and he is my habit.
"Our body chemistry changes the emotional, psychological and physical conditions within us as we bond to another person. Our brain neurologically accommodates familiar things and makes them habits. What that means is that your nervous system literally rearranges to make room for the presence of someone else in your life. They become a literal habit. When relationship habits are broken, our bodies go through withdrawal symptoms similar to that of a drug addict. The emotional roller coaster, depression, physical pains, guilt and shame are all very real. So your brain is responding to your loss of that relationship." (Journey to Freedom)
With God's help, it's time for a detox.
It's time to let go and move toward freedom. It's time for my exodus. It's time to journey from my past, from my hurt, and from those who sought to hurt me. It's time to say goodbye to those people and circumstances that are driving the addiction.
The brokenness will become my testimony that God will use for His glory.
Let the journey begin.